Those Moments

I’m so scared that our tempers will collide. We are like fire and gasoline, we can blow up at any moment. But we sure our hot. Love you babe.

omg! i have two followers! I LOVE YOU BOTH! :D

You have said over and over again that you are in love with me. So I made your dreams come true for one day, because that is the best I can do. I always end up screwing it up after one day. So I gave you the best I could. I hope you enjoyed it.

Change is scary. Change is good. It is okay to change all the big things in your life. Those are the things that change the most, but do not be so quick to change all of the little things in your life. It is the little things that make life worth living and that bring joy to our hearts. Sure the big things are exciting in the moment and yes they even bring us joy. But those constant little never-changing things in our life are what we depend on to bring us through the hardships that we might face in life.

I wish you were a cigarette. No, I wish you were the smoke from a cigarette. I could smoke all the memories of you away. I could smoke all the dreams of us away and watch as they float away and disappear. Then I could stomp you into the ground and leave you there.

Some people think I’m weird. Some people think I’m always alone. Some people may be right. I am weird. I am alone. I am also happy. It is lonely sometimes but I am truly content with myself and who I am. Thank you for your input though.

I was with someone. I even started to love him. He asked me to marry him. I said yes. We planned. Bought Rings. He told his family.

Then I woke up in the middle of the night once and examined my heart, and there you were. But in only some parts of me could I find him. So I left. I caused pain. I caused hurt and now I regret. I do not regret leaving. I regret staying for that long when I always knew you would be there in the deepest part of my heart. Never, I fear, to be removed.

I try. I try so very hard. I try to move on. To move away from the memories of you. But you were the last man I kissed. The last man I hugged. I feel like if I move on from that, then all of Us is really over. I am no longer ‘Tia’ in your conversations with others. I am now ‘My Ex’. That kills me. I don’t want it to be the end of ‘You and me’, of the ‘We were’ or even the ‘I hate it when she…’. I want to hold on to anything that is there. Any of the good or bad thoughts of me that are in your mind.

After a while, those thoughts become memories. That kills me.

That moment that hurts the worst. That moment before you say goodbye. That moment before it all ends. That moment when you know it will end, nothing will be the same. You can never get any of that, of him, back. The moment you realize that. That is the moment that hurts the worst. A horrid pain. A peaceful pain. The pain that comes back in your dreams, in your memories over and over again. That moment the icy pain pierces your heart. That moment that hurts the worst.

Some people find love in amazing places. Some people have love at first sight, or a young romance. Me on the other hand have had a lot of loves, but I have never had THE love. The love that last a life time together. I have the love that last a life time, but not with that person and that is the most beautiful and painful love there is. Or so I have been told.

Every one has a boyfriend or a girlfriend and I’m just over here like ‘I love food…om nom nom”

I’m ok with this :D